While I was nursing part 1

Since we brought our new little love home life has been quite hectic. Not because of her, because of the other children. And when I say other children, I mean Andrew. 

There is not a moment that goes by where Andrew Patrick Kinnon is not making a ginormous mess or creating total chaos. He perfectly plans each catastrophe with precision. Like precisely when I am nursing Sybil. If I am nursing and on the phone. His plans reach new levels of utter destruction. 

So far here are a few examples if his unscrupulous behavior; 

Slapping Addi in the eye with a hand full of shampoo. 

Batteries, hair clips, money, Matt's name badge for work, Bobbi pins and a small Allen wrench in our garbage disposal. 

The entire living room covered in toys.

Every pillow off every couch drug into the living room to use as landing gear. 

Popcorn thrown on the ground and jumped/stomped on so it "explodes".

Our kitchen chairs and bench drug through the kitchen for ultimate reach ability. 

Climbing the shelves in our refrigerator. 

Rolls of toilet paper unraveled on the bathroom floor and in the toilet. 

2 potty training disasters with poop. Once all over his bedroom floor on my newly cleaned cream colored carpet. The other behind our Christmas tree. 

More potty training disasters with pee all over the house. (Just today he threw his undies about 3 feet away and aimed and hit them while I was standing next to him.) 

Each and every time one of these lovely things happen I say, Andrew! In my most stern voice. He just looks at me, smiles and says, Sorry Mom. 

One day I'll laugh at all this. Just not today. 

Sybil Elizabeth Marie - Birth Story

It's been about 12 days since Sybil's birth, yet it feels like she has always been a part of our family.  Here is her story about her long awaited debut.

I can sum up Sybil's birth and actually the last month of my pregnancy in two words, frustrating and exhilirating.  (Above all else, I will always be honest.  Not mean, honest.)

Let's start with the last month. Once I wrapped up with Rocky Mountaineer it was like a little alarm went off.  Ding, she's ready and available.  Suddenly Grandpa just seemed a lot more needy.  I found out one of my brothers is having a hard time.  I tried to help with that.  And you little Sybil were the focus of many Doctor visits. 

On October 9, I had an ultrasound to check your weight and growth.  The technician assured me all was well and you were healthy.  She even gave me some picture of your cute face and ginormous cheeks.  Yeah!  You were in the right position for birth and all was well.  (Until I saw the Doctor the next day.)

October 10.  I saw my OB and she gave me the "I'm concerned talk".  You measured well past your gestational age and your weight was estimated at 7lbs.  I still had a month before your due date.  So the over-cautious doctor was sure I had developed gestational diabetes.  (Even though I already tested twice previoiusly and the results were negative.)  So off Andrew and I went to drink the nasty orange syrup.

Later that afternoon we got the results and all was well.  No diabetes.  Just a healthy baby.  Although still cautious my doctor wanted to see my twice a week as well as I'd have to have bi-weekly non-stress tests.  She also reminded me that I would need to be induced one week prior to my due date.

Aiiyiiiyii.  Luckily Auntie Beth and Auntie Nae Nae were on board to help out with Karissa, Addi and Andrew.  Beth had the beach house all reserved for Veterans Day weekend. 

On Saturday, October 19, while at your cousin Kayley's soccer game I started having some pretty good contractions.  Woo Hoo!  I was super excited.  They were irregular and lasted about the hour long game.  Then disappeared from whence they had come. 

The following week at my dr. appt, I was 2.5cm dilated.  I was sure you'd come at any minute.  Every night I went to bed thinking, this is it!  At every dr appt, the dr would say, maybe I won't see you at your next appt.  Yet I always knew she would.

Enough of the backstory, as you know, you were not born early.  We scheduled your induction for Thursday, November 7. 

On that Thursday mornning we got the kids ready and Auntie Nae Nae arrived.  We had lunches packed, teeth brushed, hair perfectly in place.  So off Daddy and I went to the hospital.  I was so excited to be done with being pregnant and to meet you.

Once at the hospital and in our room, we met our nurse and learned there were several other inductions and deliveries in progress.  We got hooked up to monitirs and IV's were inserted, ready for some pitocin to kick things in gear.  Turns out I was already hving regular contractions on my own.  That all started at 8am.  I got some antibiotics and the nurse slowly started the pitocin.  (And I mean slowly.)  She'd turn it up once an hour and things were slow.  I was up walking the room, changing positions, sitting in the rocker, on the bed.  And still light contrations.  By noon, I was irritated and
hungry.  Nothing was happening. My nurse would come in and again slowly turn things up.  By 5:00pm I was downright pissed.  My kids were looking forward to meeting their new sister and still nothing.  My nurse came in and I told her how furstrated I was.  I was beyond ready for baby.

Luckily about 10 mins later in walked my delivery Dr.  (Oh yeah, funny..not funny story.  The Dr's I had been seeing my entire pregnancy well, one retired the day of my last appointment and the other was going on a 3 week leave.  Seriously. So the Dr that delieverd you, I met the morning of your arrival.)

So there I was beyong frustrated and ready for delivery.  The Dr comes in and says she'll break my water.  The minute she does I start having real and regular contractions.  By 630p I was ready for my epidural.  Luckily that Dr. walked in right when I asked for it.  Put in the epidural, then I almost passed out and had extremly low blood presure for the next hour. Earlier in the day my IV machine was beeping and I rang the nurse. Two nurses responded and fixed the air that got in the IV tubing. Upon completion they forgot to unclamp the line. So when I got my epidural I was dehydrated. So, um, that was fun...not.

At 930p it was time to push and I was beyond ready to meet you. Things happened fast and you made your debut at 947p. 

What happened next was absolutely exhilarating. The minute you were born the nurses placed you on my chest and wiped you down. They brought warm blankets and there we stayed for 90 minutes. It was indescribable. Our time to bond and finally see each other face to face. 

The baby nurses came in and inspected you. Dad and I guessed your weight. I was right. Over 8 pounds. (8 pounds 12 ounces to be exact.)  All was well. They wrapped you back up and put you safely back on my chest. There we stayed till the morning. 

Halloween 2013

Because pictures are worth a thousand words. 

Ellie- princess

Kayley- Monster High Doll

Karissa- flapper girl

Addi- ballerina 

Andrew- Jake the pirate

Dear Baby,

On the eve of your birth Andrew and I spent the morning cuddled up on the couch and watching the Disney channel. I wanted him to enjoy his last day of being the baby his way. 

We finally got ready for the day and hit up Target. Andrew had an icee and popcorn in the cart while I looked for a new pair of shoes for Addi. We strolled through the store checking out end caps with Christmas decor, Me, you and Andrew. 

Before I knew it our time had faded and we set off to pickup the Kindergarten carpool. We hung out with the girls, had lunch, then it was back out to pickup Karissa and Charlotte. We headed home while listening to their day. 

Karissa and Addi are so excited for your arrival. 

We got three little ballerinas ready for dance and put Andrew down for a nap. We dropped off the little ballerinas while Karissa did her homework. (Aka ate Oreos and waited for us to come home.)

Then it was Karissa's homework time. We worked on her spelling, multiplication flash cards and she played her recorder for us too. When our ears had enough, we sent her out back to feed the rabbits. 

Before we knew it Addi tumbled through the door. Melissa and Olivia stopped by with some super cute jammies for you. We chatted for a bit and started dinner. Spaghetti with meat sauce. Your last dinner nestled in my belly. 

Dad arrived home as we were eating. We all ate and chatted about our day. Our last day before your arrival. 

At 7 we stumbled up the stairs to give addi and Andrew a bath. We packed bags for the kids weekend at the beach. (This reminds me the girls need bathing suits.)  We got Addi and Andrew in their pajamas and read 4 stories. Addi still excited fell asleep within minutes. Andrew on the other hand was tucked in at least a dozen times before finally falling into blissful sleep.

Karissa and Daddy returned from the store and we had one more child to get to bed. Your big sister loves you so much and can't wait to meet you.  She kept asking me if I was nervous to give birth. I assured her I was not. I'm so excited to see you. Karissa then settled into Harry Potter. (She promised to only read one chapter.) 

To round out our evening you and I took a well deserved bath. I watched you contort my tummy and soaked up our last night of you inside me. After the bath we headed downstairs to spend time /fall asleep on the couch with Dad. 

Although I'm still trying to figure out how I will have time to care for a newborn on top of our jam packed schedule. I can't wait to meet you, hold you and love on you for the rest of my life. 

Love, Mom

Happy Birthday Daddy

On November 2nd, Matt turned 46.

  

We started the celebration Friday night at our favorite Japanese Restaurant (aka.. cook in front of you). The girls cheered and Andrew hid at the fiery parts. We loved it. 

Saturday night Grandpa took us to Wood Ranch BBQ.  Matt had prime rib, I had tri-tip and the girls each had baby back ribs. Addi finished every single one. Like down to the bone finished. Yummo. Karissa ate too many rolls and later her tummy was super upset and she barfed.  

After dinner we headed to Target and got new phones. Matt has had the same iphone 3 for nearly 5 years. It was time. Now he's enjoying every minute of faster technology. Yeah! 

Yesterday Karissa, Addi and I chilled at home with Karissa's tender tummy. We eventually got around to making Daddy his favorite cookies. I'd say it was a great birthday! 

 

Insomnia

Of I could summarize this pregnancy in one word, it would be Insomnia. 

Since the very first day I learned I was pregnant, sleep has evaded my body. It's not that I don't go to bed tired or ready to rest my body from the days activities. It's just I wake up during some point in the dead of night not able to sleep. 

I guess I worry too much or think of my to do's for the following day. Mostly I think about how I'd love to be in slumberland. Yet it's 4:05a and here I am ........wide awake. 

Anxiously Anticipating Our Baby

This pregnancy was a total surprise, and I hate surprises. Today I'm nearly 39 weeks pregnant and feeling ready to pop. Our day will be spent making some final preparations for our baby. 

This past week has been insane to say the least. So much to do to prep for our new addition. Yet it's all coming together. 

After Andrew was born I was sure our family was complete. Matt kept saying, maybe. To which I'd adamantly responded, No way. We'd also given away almost all our baby stuff. (I was reminded by a friend this is the kiss of death.)  Thanks to our family and good friends we have everything we need.  I even found some cute vintage stuff online. 

All baby stuff is washed, folded and put away. Andrew has moved into his big boy  bed and is pretty much potty trained. The girls are beyond anxious and have lots of plans for their new baby. 

Now hurry up baby, we're ready. 

So much to say

I have so much to say yet I have very little time. 

Tomorrow is my last day working for Rocky Mountaineer. It's been an incredible journey filled with a developed love for Western Canada and a luxurious train. This job has helped me provide extras for our children. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to work for a company that values and believes in their employees. 

We are anxiously anticipating the arrival of baby girl Kinnon in November. 

I have to run. I just wanted to post a few Addi-isms I don't want to ever forget. Enjoy! 

Addi- "Mom, do I have to see you have the baby?" 

Me- an emphatic  "No!"

Addi- "Good! That would just be disturving."

Me- "Girls, I really need you help. Please pick up your clothes off the floor and put them in the laundry. I can't bend over with this baby in my tummy!" 

Addi- "Well, you can get on your knees!"

This gem happened last weekend. I listened to the entire conversation as I was cleaning my bedroom. 

Addi- "Dad, you are in big trouble mister! You threw away my important paperwork from school. How dare you!"

Matt- "It wasn't me. I would never throw away your school work. It was Mom!"

Thanks for having my back Matt. Of course Addi marched right upstairs schoolwork in hand and proceeded to scold me. 

Dang, I though our big trash cans we're a safe spot.

 

Back to School

On August 27, our girls headed off the school. Karissa started 3rd grade and Addison Kindergarten. 

There were no tears shed, no quivering lips, just pure happiness. Both girls have very structured and organized teachers. I hand picked them for these reasons. Karissa has adjusted well. Addi had a few days of adjustment. After learning the classroom rules and expectations, she's adjusted and loves every minute of school. 

Here are a few quotes from the girls during the first few days of school;

Addi- "I had a strict but fun day."

Karissa- "My teacher is awesome!"

Addi- "Mom, can I take off my shoes? 

It feels they have hot pee in them."

(It's called sweat Addi. This is the first time she had to wear shoes with socks since summer started. Probably before that too.)

Both girls are lucky to have their best friends in their class. 

My hope for the girls this year is that their love of learning will be enriched by their teachers and by me. That they will build upon the friendships they've made and be kind and loving to all. 

Mothers

My Mothers Day post....yes, I realize it's August. Pregnancy....enough said.

Sometime in April as I sat at my desk nearly going cross eyed with some excel reports for work, I decided to move my operation downstairs and turn on some trash TV. This usually distracts me from thinking of all my to do's and I can finish my work.  Sadly the Kardashians were too busy getting their hair done and TLC had a marathon of What Not To Wear on.  Since I could star on that show I usually try and avoid it. 

Still flipping I came across a documentary on HBO, Ethel.  http://youtu.be/a9QuQB5TMiM. 

At first I didn't have a clue who that was. I quickly read the info, Ethel Kennedy, married to Robert F. Kennedy. Ok, I'm in. 

The documentary was produced and filmed by her youngest daughter, Rory.  Rory interviewed her mother, Ethel, and siblings (almost all ten), giving a history of her mothers life. The story of Ethel Kennedy wasn't an easy story to tell. Ethel has had many hardships, losing her husband, a son, brother in law, and so on. 

As I sat and watched her life unfold, I wept. Not because of the losses she suffered, and they were great, because she is one of the best examples of a mother I've ever witnessed.

Shortly before RFK was killed Ethel had learned she was pregnant with their 11th child.  Ethel Kennedy never strayed from the parenting ideals she and her husband had set forth. When her children wanted to learn to swim, she taught them.  When they wanted to learn to ski, play football, sail, ride horses, she taught them.  Their home was often filled with many animals, they did not live on a farm, yet she had just about every kind of farm animal.  She wanted her children to learn to take care of animals.  She'd take her children to Capitol Hill so they could learn how hard their father worked for his country. 

In the face of tragedy her faith never wavered. Each night the family knelt together in prayer. Ethel planted seeds of love and service in the hearts of her children and nurtured them to grow strong. 

This is the mother I'd like to be. Strong and immovable in faith. Dedicated to serving others. The ability to use my experiences to teach my children everything they'll need to learn to be successful in this life. Most importantly to love. 

Five

Somewhere along the line our Addi turned 5.  I've  owed this post to my sweet, cuddly Addi girl.

Addi turned five in style. She got to invite two friends to see Disney on Ice and dress up like a princess in the process. She loved it. All the girls sat on the edge of their seats and didn't move. They screamed with glee as their favorite characters skated on to the ice.  We filled their tummy's with pizza and colorful princess icees.  Our favorite part was the suite we got to enjoy. (Thanks Beth!)

Addison is our sugary sweet girl. She loves her blankie and still cuddles with mom and dad, sometimes nightly. She absolutely loves to swim and hang with her friends, Addison and Charlotte. They are quite the trio. Addison also loves to dance. She auditioned and was chosen to be in a special group at her dance studio. She'll working on her skills in this group and learning a special dance to be performed at a big dance show in the spring.

Addison is a very loving sister. She loves to give Andrew thousands of kisses. (He screams, "top it Addi!")  That never really stops her. Addi loves to play with Karissa and never takes any of her guff. Addison has been known to throw punches and pull Karissa's hair if Karissa isn't playing nice.

It's hard to believe my little love will be off to Kindergarten in a couple weeks. She's so excited to be going to school. She's not sure if she wants to work on her letters though.

Daddy and I love you so much Addi. We never want you to stop being kind and loving. We know you will be a great big sister to the new baby.

Love, Momma

Oh, and by the way Miss Addi, you never met a candy you didn't like and never met a fruit or vegetable you did. You will always be our chocolate chip pancake girl.

As parents have we really come that far?

I've been thinking a lot about this lately.  Last night I read an article that a friend posted to facebook and I in turn reposted.  This article particularly resonated with me.  I've read the post from Hands Free Mama in the past and wanted to be sure this time I put some of her practices in place in my own life.

The morning after I gave birth to Karissa, I sat in my hospital room unable to stop gazing at this miracle I'd been given.  Then I was hit by the crushing blow of responsibility.  It was now my job to raise her, teach her everything she needed to know to survive life on earth and beyond.  The weight of that responsibility sat heavy on my shoulders.  (And still does.)

I knew right away what I kind of parent I didn't want to be.  I did not want to be like my mother.  Don't get me wrong, my mother was incredibly talented and had a great sense of humor.  When things were good, they were very good and when things were bad, they were very bad.  My biggest fear and challenge was to be better than that. To stop the cycle of judgement and ridicule that my mother had been given by her mother and my Grandmother had been given by her mother.

My sisters and I have have discussed this and length and decided my mother did the best she could with the information she had.

When I was a freshmen in High School, I decided to make a cute boy I sat next to in English class some chocolate chip cookies.  As soon as I got home I asked my mom for permission and started to make the cookies.  She sat in the kitchen working on a sewing project and called out "tips" on making the best cookies.  I was told that if the cookies tasted horrible and I wasted the ingredients I would have to replace everything.  I read the recipe and started on the dough.  The yelling started almost immediately, I was doing it all wrong.  All semester I tried and tried to make good cookies.  Each time I made cookies, I got a critique that was never favorable from my mother.  She actually never stood and showed my how to do it.  Just gave me "tips" on how to make them better next time. 

Luckily the boy never thought they were bad, or at least he never admitted it.  In the end, I guess I can thank my mother because now I make the best chocolate chip cookies. 

I never want to be that mother that believes parenting is berating your child and verbally beating them into obedience.  What purpose does that serve?  So you can yell and tear someone down, great.  Now you have a child who cowers in front of adults and has no self esteem.  Does that make you feel better as a person and most importantly a parent?  Are we choosing to be better parents than our parents or choosing to be just like them? 

There are so many ways our society has progressed and so many ways it hasn't.  With the monumental information available at our finger tips, why do we choose status quo? 

Today there are high school students who can't read face clocks.  Woman are still judged by their size and not their intellect.  Children are pushed into social categories our society and we as parents have created for them.  Can't we do better?

That morning at West Hills Hospital, I made a promise.  Never, ever to become that kind of mother.  To this day I've been pretty much successful.  That promise has been challenged almost every single day.  Some people have called my girls, "Sassy" and others have praised me for raising children who are confident and not afraid to speak their mind.  I hope that I am raising children that will make the world a better place.  Children that will stand up for what is right.  Children that will love their mother for letting them be children.

A well needed update

There has been so much going on. So many many things. Life is incredibly good. Just moving at a rate I can hardly keep up with.

I owe a post on Mothers for Mothers Day, Addison's birthday and Fathers Day.  I promise to steal away some time for those. 

We ended out school year on June 21. Addison loved Pre-K and Karissa loved 2nd grade and all the new friends she made at Mesa. 

Karissa thrived with all the programs for accelerated students. She got a creativity award for her art and creative writing. Matt and I are so proud. 

Addison absolutely loved her Pre-k class. She has two of the cutest little friends, Addison and Charlotte. When those three get together its nonstop entertainment. 

Addison also learned yoga and most of her letters. Sometime she gets tired of all the learning. 

Our family got a huge surprise a few months ago when we learned another baby will be joining our family. This took me some time to get used to. I was sure our family was complete. We don't know what we're having. Matt and I are still in debate over finding out. We will know for sure by November 13. 

Andrew got 5 stitches in his eyebrow at the end of May. He tried to jump from Karissa's bed to Addi's. In Addi's words, "He didn't make it."  I almost passed out and had to lay down on another bed in the E.R..  Matt stayed strong and held his head while the Dr. stitched him up.
Andrew is always on the run. He has two speeds, fast and asleep. 

Both girls auditioned and were invited to be part of the dance company at their dance studio. They'll both be taking lots more classes and improving their talent for dance. They've grown so much this year. I can't wait to see how far they will have improved next year. Their dance recital is next weekend. 

Karissa will show her rabbit as part of 4H, on July 31 at the Ventura County Fair. We are working on showmanship. 

In my spare time I still work part-time for Rocky Mountaineer. In my other spare time I field phone calls from grandpa, take him to Dr. appointments. In my other spare time I try valiantly and fail mostly at keeping my house clean. 

Matt has been extremely busy at the Auto Club and will move to Thousand Oaks to manage that office starting Monday. 

Whew! Aren't summers supposed to be relaxing? 

We've come a long way baby

Today is Karissa's 8th birthday. In some ways it's hard to believe how fast the time has gone. Yet because of Karissa's unique personality it's refreshing that she's growing up and becoming more mature. 

This evening Matt got a phone call on his cell from the girls dance studio. We were all sitting at our kitchen table eating dinner. On the inside I cringed thinking the worst. Yet on the outside a kept smiling waiting for the call to end so I could hear Karissa's latest antics. 

Much to my relief the call was to ask both Karissa and Addison to try out for the competitive dance team. Karissa beamed and Addi screamed. Both girls immediately jumped up and started dancing. I'm so proud of both of them. Especially Karissa. She's had tough teachers this year who have expected a lot of her. Over the year she has improved her skill, her ability to follow directions and has developed a everlasting love of dance. 

I also got a chance to bring Karissa and her classmates a treat for her birthday. All the kids in Karissa's class sang her Happy Birthday with some extra "cha cha cha's". It's nice to see how much Karissa is loved by her teacher and classmates.  Addi and Andrew loved spending some time sitting at their big sisters desk. 

Karissa, you and I have come a long way. I've learned how to be a mother because of you. I've learned to be more patient, stick to a routine and how To let go of unreasonable  expectations.   Most of all I've learned to love deeper and harder than I've ever loved before. 

You are a great big sister. You are learning to be patient with an adoring little sister and mischievous little brother. Your heart is big and sensitive. You don't like being disciplined or in trouble. You love all kinds of food. (Right now it's loquats.) Most of all you love to dance and show off your skills as an acrobat. Your feet are in the air most of the time. 

I love you my Sissy Girl.  Can't wait to see where the next year takes us. 

                        Karissa at age 3

T-W-O

Our baby is two.

Andrew Patrick turned the big 2 on April 5.
We celebrated a little early at the beach with Auntie Beth's famous Elmo cake. Andrew loved it. Then on Andrew's actual birthday Grandpa took us out for Mexican food. (My choice..hee hee.)

Andrew loves trucks, cars, balls of any size and sport. He loves his sisters when they are not smothering him with kisses. Mostly he loves Mickey Mouse Club and his binkies. He sleeps with two of them. One in his mouth and the other gripped between his fingers.

Andrew is such a happy baby. Every morning when he wakes up he yells, "Halloo Mom!" He repeats it louder and louder till he is broken free of the crib.

All the neighborhood kids love Andrew, and he loves them. He's always on the hunt for "goggies". Luckily there are many in our neighborhood.

A few months ago I was worried about Andrew not speaking. He always met the minimum amount of words at both his 1 year and 18 month check-up. We are not worried anymore. He easily rivals his sisters and astonishes me daily with his expanding vocabulary. (You have no idea how much talking there is in our house. Guess this is my fault.)

Now what I am worried about is his fearlessness. Andrew climbs on counters, tables, our trashcan and chairs to get whatever he wants. He can never be left alone. He's my best "helper". Just Friday night he moved our coffee table over to our front door and unlocked it. (Never a dull moment.)

We love you Andrew! We can't wait to see where the next year will take us.

Ocean

This week we spent nearly every day at the beach. (Thank you Beth.) I watched my kids and their cousins tumble in and out if the surf. They body surfed and boogie boarded. They let the waves push and pull them with their strength. They played in the sand, made sand angels, buried each other, and built small sand castles that Andrew stumbled over. They laid in tide pools, looked for shells and dug for clams with success.
Beth and I looked on from our chairs in the sand laughing, reading and calling out commands to stop throwing sand.
As we watched my heart swelled with pride at the children's independence and curiosity. No one needed a hovering mother. The children looked out for one another. Andrew is now two and content to be "one of the kids".
As I watched them I remembered spending many a Saturday growing up at the beach. Like the children, I loved the ocean. I loved its power, I loved the way it lifted, pushed and pulled my body. I loved doing thousands of cartwheels up and down the beach while my dad ran along side me.
This week I read two books and good ones. I let the soothing sounds of the ocean and ever changing colors recharge my batteries, and soothe my wounds. My body is tanned (or burnt) and I love that I have a visible souvenir of my week.
Bliss. Now off to bed.

Growing

Easter 2011

These little buggies are growing up.  In just over two weeks Andrew will be 2!

Meltdowns and Freak-outs

Karissa February 2007

Once upon a time all I could think about was dressing up this little girl.  I'd day dream about little curls and pink frilly skirts.  Patent leather shoes and the perfect hair bows.  Then she turned 18 mos and with that came a difficult personality.  I remember Matt telling my when she was about 3 months old that he thought she was difficult.  I almost punched him.  How could my perfect baby ever be...difficult?

At three years old we took her to see a therapist, her tantrums were more than we could bear.  The only way we could get her to calm down was to yell at her or give her a bath.  Sometimes the bath only made things more difficult, she'd always poop in the bath.  (Yuck)  The therapist had some good advice and some bad.  We were told that it was 75% parenting and to just keep working with her.

As she's gotten older things have gotten easier and we've learned to be better parents and never ever give in.  (Or at least I have learned that.)  There are times when she reverts to terrible tantrums and lately she's had some doosies.  Last week there were three in three days.

The last one at Trader Joes sent me over the edge.  Karissa found the pirate snake in the store which means she could tell a cashier and get a lollipop.  When we made our way to the front of the store she ran to the kids coloring area and started coloring.  Then she noticed Addi sucking on a lollipop.  She ran over to me and asked for a lollipop.  I reminded her she needed to tell the cashier.  The young cashier patiently waited for her to ask.  She refused claiming she was "shy".  I told her I couldn't ask for her.  Right there in the middle of my grocery check-out she flipped.  Screaming, crying, hitting me.  It was past the point of humiliation.  I escorted her to the car while hearing the judgments of several other customers.  She kicked and screamed while Matt and I loaded the groceries, the entire (1 mile) drive home and until I dragged her upstairs and into the shower.  She still screamed for at least 5 more minutes.  UGH!

At this point Matt and I were at each others throats, we hate seeing her this way.  It just puts a dark cloud over the entire house.  Addi and Andrew were real good during these episodes and steered clear of trouble.  (Silver lining)

After Karissa calmed down we had a long talk about her behavior.  She's also grounded for a few weeks.  She has since been much better and things are back in alignment.  I always have to remember to stick to our routine and always give her a straight answer, even if the answer is NO!

In other news, my sister Kayla totally freaked out on me.  She got very jealous over the weekend in Vegas that Beth, Kristy and I enjoyed.  When I called her after she screamed at me and called me horrible things.
Things that an apology may never forgive.  Why am I sharing this?  Because I want my children to know that you cannot treat any person this way, especially a sibling.  I want them to know to never ever say things that an apology won't mend.  And to always treat each other with respect, kindness and most of all love.

Why Me?

June 2007 - Family Photo post Grandma McEuen's funeral

It's not even noon and I've already fielded 7 phone calls from Grandpa.  His caregiver was supposed to drive him to his sisters house for lunch in Seal Beach and now couldn't. 

Call #1 - I'm not going

Call #2 - Can you take me?

Call #3 - Can you take me tomorrow? Or Friday, or Saturday?

Call #4 - Why haven't you called me back about when you can take me?

Call #5 - I want to go down to see Ruth!  Why can't you take me?

Call #6 - What time did you want me for lunch today?

Call #7 - When will you know if you can take me to see Ruth on Friday?

At times all the back and forth doesn't bother me.  Today it does.  Why?  Because I work.  Grandpa cannot conceptualize how I can possibly work from home.  Technology frustrates him and he wants nothing to do with it.  I've showed him my laptop, had him look at e-mail.  He just pushes it aside.

So here I sit, trying to work and get as much done so maybe I can take him to see his sister on Friday.

Any why don't I just ignore him and come up with excuses;

When I was growing up Grandma and Grandpa lived about 10 houses down the ally from us.  (2 streets over.)  And every time I needed a lunch for school, was sick, needed help with homework, someone to drive me to school, new clothes, new shoes, drivers training, a car to use, money for school - ANYTHING!  Grandma and Grandpa were right there to give us whatever we needed.

I was also raised to Honor thy Father and Mother.  (That includes Grandparents.)

Because having my kids see and know their Great-Grandpa will be a gift that will last them a lifetime.  (Even if his stitches did gross them out.)

And lastly, because if there wasn't a Grandpa that fell in love with a special Grandma - there wouldn't be a me.

Lemonade

On a sunny Presidents Day in Camarillo my niece, Ellie and her BFF, Izzie, decided to open a lemonade stand right in front of my house.  Last week they had learned at school all about the catholic children in Haiti that were trying to earn money to rebuild their church.  St. Mary Magdalene school in Camarillo raised nearly $500 last week for this cause.  Ellie and Izzie were on a mission to donate more.  What better way than lemonade.

When the girls first arrived and I heard their plan I thought it was sort of um.....silly.  But what the heck, I helped make the lemonade while they set up tables out front.  The girls had all the supplies and were set up in no time.

In one hour and a half these girls earned just over $30.00.  Now I wasn't laughing.  I was plotting ways to have my own lemonade stand called, I want new shoes.

Lesson learned, cute girls selling lemonade = winner!

Remember Me

Last week a very wonderful lady took her last breaths on this earth.  Her name is Gloria Stokes.  Growing up in Oxnard our family knew the Stokes family well.  Gloria was a mother to six children, most of which the same ages as me and my siblings.  We also went to church together and the same schools.  Sis. Stokes was my camp leader and YW leader for many years.  She was also my ride to school/home and to most church functions.  This lady lived to serve.  There was not one thing that she owned or talent she possessed that she didn't share.  I will always remember to share my talents.

Sis. Stokes loved holidays, especially Halloween.  This meant that she hosted the best parties.  As youth we dressed up and turned her home into a super scary haunted houses for many years.  She always dressed as a witch.  We spent many a Halloween scaring the daylights out of many a trick-or-treater.  Now when I dress up my house for Halloween with fog and spooky sounds, I always remember her.

My favorite memories of the Stokes family include 5 years of Girls Camp.  We learned how to set up tents, build fires, cook food (and good food - peach cobbler), and navigate by the stars.  I will always remember and love Sis. Stokes for teaching me how to camp.

Have you ever met someone that always had a smile on their face?  This was Sis. Stokes.   She had a fierce love for her children, really for all children.  Her home was always open to those in need.  I will always remember that love that her soul pushed out into the universe.  It was catching and oh so comforting.

How do you want to be remembered?  If I could live my life as this remarkable lady and be remembered in the way I've remembered her, I'd have a permanent smile too.

P.S.  I can't believe I didn't mention our Roadshows.  Sis. Stokes was the executive producer.  This meant she did everything, songs, choreography, props, costumes.  Ours was always the best and they were a blast!

A handsom reward

At exactly 2:13pm last Friday afternoon my cell phone rang.  It was a number I recognized - the Saint - that drives my child to and from school everyday.  I answered quickly and blurted out, "I'm on my way home right now."

"Mama", the voice on the other end was Karissa.  "Guess what?" she continued.  "I got Student of the Month! and a Principal's award!"

"YEAH!" I screamed.  We continued to chat and I told her how proud I was of her and how hard she's worked.

To be truthful, I never thought we'd see the day this year.  Karissa started a new school and for a child who is uncomfortable with change, the first month of school was a nightmare.  We had other changes to adjust to as well, a new dance schedule and all new friends.  Karissa deals with change by using a handy little tool called defiance.  It drives me to the brink.  Then it's like she just wakes up and it's over, till the next change in routine happens.

The thing about Karissa is that she's wicked smart.  I'm not using the word wicked as in we're from Boston wicked.  The wicked I'm talking about is; I'm a little scared about how smart she is.

Like the kind of smart where she is proficiently reading at a 4th grade level.  She can read an entire Diary of a Wimpy Kid book in 3 hours.  Like she's tearing through all the Judy Blume books, Superfudge, Double Fudge, etc.  She aces spelling tests and never studies because she can't remember to bring the words home.  She's great at math.  I rarely help her with homework.  My job is just to nag her to get it done. 
When I do it's usually done in 15 mins.

The thing that frightens me is she never stops to listen to instructions, she forges ahead and figures it out along the way.  (This is so me!)  Yet, she has picked up Matt's unbelievable intelligence.  When she does learn something new, it only takes once and she never forgets. (This is reiterated by her teachers, dance instructors, church teachers.  It's all the same.  It scares me.)

We will see where the years take us.  I'm already a little nervous about the future, only that she will be and is too smart for her own good.

For today, I'm proud of her.  I'm proud that she's worked hard and earned a handsome reward! 

We treated Karissa and -The Saint's daughter- to a girly treat.

It's Great to be 8 - Save the Date

Once upon a time Kayley, Brett (left) &

Karissa, Milloy (right) were 5....now they are turning 8.

Karissa will be baptized at

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Saturday, June 1st

time TBA

We'll have treats at our house afterwards.

Travis and Kayley will celebrate their First Holy Communion in May.

(Please contact the moms for further info.)

As promised - Christmas

It's funny how in our society we move forward so quickly.  Christmas was just 32 days ago, yet it seems like over 100 days ago.  As I let this thought burst in and out of my mind over the past few days.  I couldn't help but think about all the media shoved down our throat.  Once Christmas is over all you read/see is "New Year - New You" and Clearance sales - Out with the old in with the new.  New - New - New. 

(Sorry had to get that off my chest.  Maybe it's helping me to feel like less of a loser for posting Christmas so late.....maybe.)

On Christmas Eve we stood shivering under the MacAvoy's outdoor Chrstmas tree.  We had a birds eye view of all of Camarillo.  The kids were beyond giddy and giggly waiting for Santa to fly by.  We'd have a special view on top of the hill and a secret promise from the pilot he'd get extra close. 

At 6:45p we heard the familiar sound of the helicopter and lights of Santa's sleigh taking off from the Camarillo airport.  "There he is the children squeeled."  We all watched anxiously as Santa flew over Target, the Outlet Mall, Old Town, Camarillo Springs.  Then we lost him for a minute while he was over Mission Oaks.  A few minutes later we could hear him getting closer and closer. 

"Santa, Santa." the kids sang

As promised Santa flew right over us, very close.  We all waived and shouted, "See you tonight!"

After Santa was out of site we dragged the kids in formation for family photos.  The 3 seven year olds were whispering to each other.  Beth and I took a few steps towards them and heard, "I saw a helicopter, did you?  Me too.  That wasn't Santa.  Was it?  Is Santa real?"

Uh oh!

When we piled back in the car, Karissa asked and Matt and I responded, "Of course he's real!"

I'd like to hope that for now, at least until next year she believes.  And speaking of believing.....

The Purple Park

June 2010

Yesterday Addison begged to go to the famed "Purple Park".  At least that's what we call it in this house.  At 4:00p I finally agreed and off we went.  Andrew, Addi and Mom.  

Upon arrival I unbuckled carseat belts and two very excited babies wriggled out of their seats.  I opened the door and out they lept in a full sprint.  I ran after them as they have a tendency to walk in front of high flying swings.  (Just yesterday Karissa kicked Addi in full swing and she flew about 3 feet before landing face first on the spongy mesh.)

Andrew headed for the slides circling the jungle gym before finding the stairs.  Addi jumped on the big spider web and scrambled to the top.  "Look at me Mom!"

As the kids played I noticed a some folks at the picnic table not far away.  There was a woman, two men, one in a button down shirt and Dockers and a sweet little girl about 7 in pig tails.  I'm nosy so I kept looking from time to time.  It quickly became clear what they were doing at the park.  A supervised playdate of sorts.  I watched the mom speaking to the Social Working very animated.  The dad, (I'm guessing) was just quiet and listening. 

A few minutes later they were up and approaching the bathrooms.  The mother had a jerky gate and was still animated, upon further observation it was quite clear she was a drug addict.  The little girl walked into the womens restroom all alone as the parents and social worker stood outside. I've been in those restrooms several times, although they are clean, I would never let my child go in unattended. 

My first instinct was to run up and hug the little girl as she emerged from the bathroom.  She ran out quick and darted for the slide.  "You can't catch me!" she called out.  I was next to the little slide watching Andrew prepare to slide down.  All of a sudden the sweet little girl was right in front of me going down the side by side slide with Andrew.  Then she was off running to the picnic bench.  She grabbed her backpack and headed to the car of the social worker.  He opened the door for her and she climbed in the back.  The parents said goodbye, no hug or tears, just a wave.

At that moment, I wanted to save her.  Save her from parents that didn't deserve those sweet pigtails. 

Let her know that it wasn't her fault her parents addiction was stronger than her.  Most importantly let her know not to let them define her.

I watched and played with Addi and Andrew for a while longer before we headed home. 

On the way home I remembered a post I read earlier in the day; i-want-them-to-know , and I reminded myself what I want my kids to know.

I want them to know they are loved beyond measure.

Their dad and I love each other.

We make decisions based on their best interest.

Our home is a place of comfort, peace and cleanliness.

We will always provide food on the table, clothes on their back, and a warm place to sleep.

We will laugh and cry together.

I will teach them everything I know and more.

We are a family.

Rhymes with Mice

Last Thursday night as this child stepped out of the bath I discovered that she had lice.  At first I freaked.  Matt ran to the store and got several different kits all promising the best results.  This is one of those things you swear will never happen to you.  My kids are bathed everyday, every article of clothing they touch is washed.  Yuck!  My skin crawls just thinking about it.

Thanks to great advice from neighbors and friends this is what we learned;

• Karissa has an abundance of hair
• RID doesn't work
• LiceMD does
• Olive oil works
• You still have to use the metal comb and remove everything you see... and don't see
• All bedding, couches, cars, pillows, jackets, towels - must be washed and washed till there are no lice for at least 7 days.  (26 loads of laundry and 48 hours of my washer and dryer running non-stop. Advice - sack it all up and take it to the laundry mat.)
• Brushes have to soaked in scalding water after every use
• I would never wish this on anyone
• If it happens to you, I will help
• Karissa's classmates were very mean today and all made comments about her having lice.  One child even said, "My Mom told me to stay away from you."  So disappointing.

So long lice, please never, ever come back.



Torn

(I'm back-tracking to December 14.  In the upcoming days I'll post Christmas and New Years) 

The final night of A four day global sales summit in Whistler, BC, was finished off in style. Our team dined at the famed Rim Rock Cafe on such delicacies as, ahi tar tar, steal head, fresh salmon, and their world famous Sticky toffee pudding.

Outside, the snow fell swiftly on the pacific pines whose branches already heavy laden with snowfall.
As the night wore on I found myself missing the bonds that had been made between colleagues - now friends. The week was spent tackling problems, sharing big ass ideas and focusing on how to take our train journey to a higher gear. Tomorrow we'd all head home.  No more 5 star dining, no more maid service, turn downs or chilled bottled water at my bedside.

Only reality.

My reality.

Three eager kids who'd been anxious and aching for their mother. A husband overwhelmed with responsibility. A sister who'd taken time away from her job to be mom - for me.

Feeling completely torn a cried to Matt over the phone for nearly an hour.

Several questions overtook me.

How do I fulfill my number one role as wife and mother yet succeed supporting my family in my working role?

Is this possible?

By working more hours and asking for advancement would it be fair to force my children to pay the price?

For them this would mean longer hours at school. The possibility of putting their talent focused activities on hold. And just plain mom not around as much.

The sticky problem is that I have to work. Our family cannot survive without me working. Which poses the question- How can I effectively earn money in a fulfilling role and be available to my children?

As I walked in my door nearly 12 hours after leaving Whistler the heaviness of my responsibilities was crushing.

The worlds expectations of me feel endless. My expectations of myself are far more lengthy and complicated.

How can I ever fulfill all that is expected of me?

I feel completely torn and pulled in a thousand different directions.

Birthday Eve

On the eve of my birth I'm soaking in a hot tub doing a blog post. (Praying I don't drop my phone to a watery death.)

December was very hard. With Matt and I both away on business trips. Then a mad dash to Christmas. Grandpa's fall and recovery. That pretty much took every moment of my time.

Yesterday while driving home from dropping Karissa at dance it occurred to me my kids hadn't said anything funny in a while. I kept driving and made a mental note to be sure to write down the funny things they say.

We got home and Addi and I cleaned the rabbit cages and took out trash cans. I started pulling out all the ingredients for meatloaf. Addi scrambled up on the counter and begged to help. There's something about the combination of raw meat, eggs and children that just sends my blood pressure soaring. (E-coli)

We went round and round. Me saying no and Addi begging. She then cocked her head to the side wagged her finger and said, "Be a good mother and let me help."

Huh? I laughed, caved and gave her several stern warnings about only touching meat and nothing else. She sang with glee.

Later that evening I made Addi some hot chocolate. She sipped it like a princess. Feeling oh so grown up. Andrew came running and sputtering, "Pees, pees".
Addi agreed to one sip but with a warning, "Not too much Andrew. You don't wanna get a brain hot."

I laughed and begged for her for a brain hot.

As I reflected on my afternoon and my promise to myself to write things down, I realized it wasn't that my kids took time off from saying funny things, I was simply too busy to listen.

Right now-
Karissa is reading up a storm. She's currently reading Superfudge by Judy Bloom.

Addi is loving the social aspect of pre-k.

Andrew is learning new words every day. He loves all dogs (goggy), trains (Woo Woo) and trash trucks.

The Old Cowboy

Spring 2012

I was born on a cattle-ranch in eastern Arizona.  I am the 12th of 14 children.  I started herding cattle at 6 years old.  (He tells everyone he meets.) 


On Christmas Eve, Beth called to say that Grandpa had fallen at Chad's in-laws.  He was coming into the kitchen from the TV room and tripped over a small step.  Grandpa separated his shoulder and Chad was with him in the ER.  Despite his 91 years, Grandpa is pretty strong and his muscles were too tense to immediately pop the shoulder back in.  Chad would stay with Grandpa through the night and until he was put under anesthesia to put the shoulder in place.  My heart sank, yet I knew he was in good hands.

In the morning Chad informed the procedure was a success and Grandpa was in recovery.  Matt and I watched our kids open their gifts.  Then I left Matt with the kids and went to the hospital to relieve Chad.  What a fine Christmas.  We'd missed another Kinnon family gathering. 

I sat while Grandpa thrashed about trying to sleep while other were families in and out of rooms wishing all a Merry Christmas.  I felt guilty for taking up the nurses and doctors time and for keeping them from spending Christmas day with their families.  Grandpa drifted in and out of a sleep, thrashing, yelling out and trying to deal with the excruciating pain of his shoulder.

At 5:30pm Chad and I traded places.  The Dr. came in to check on Grandpa and ordered him off all heavy pain killers.  He was concerned with Grandpa sleeping too much and wanted him awake and agitated. 
"Oh, lovely" was all I could muster.  I left Chad to go home and feed and bathe my kids.  Our Christmas dinner consisted of bruschetta, cranberry covered goat cheese and crackers and salami and cheese. 
(The appetizers we planned to take to Aunt Debbie's.)

About 8:00pm I went back to relieve Chad and get the latest news.  Grandpa had been up and took a few walks, he'd eaten all his dinner and was resting in a chair when I returned.  I sat and watched Grandpa sound asleep till about 9:15pm.  A nurse came in and reinserted his IV which he'd ripped out during the day.  Also to reattach the heart monitor he kept pulling off.  She gave him to mild meds and he asked to go to bed.  The nurse and I got him on his feet and over to the bed.  Worked together to get him in bed and laying down, Grandpa screamed in pain and kept yelling for me.  I was right there and was completely helpless in taking away the pain.  I'd never heard my Grandpa in pain, he's and old cowboy, he was a tank commander in WWII, he could withstand anything but not this.  It was heart wrenching.  The nurse and I shimmied him around till he settled down and was comfortable.  Covered him with several blankets and he fell immediately to sleep.  I sat with him till 10:30pm just to be sure he'd stay asleep.

I didn't sleep much that night.  Thinking of all the strongest man I knew in a state of weakness. 
Something I had never seen.

The next day Linnae watched my kids so I could spend the day with Grandpa.  I enlisted the help of my SIL, Beth.  We collected all the info needed and busted Grandpa out of the hospital.  It was an all day process.  We didn't leave his house that night after the night nurse arrived till after 8pm.  He was home and we thought that with him home he'd become less confused and feel better in his element.

Six days later and a 24 hr caregiver later  - he's still quite confused.  I took him to a 3:00pm Dr appt today that lasted 3 hours.  Still trying to get him on the correct meds.  (Oh because he's supposed to have been on a few meds that he just decided he doesn't want to take.)  He was informed by his Dr. that it is no longer safe for him to drive.  As you can imagine that did not go over well.

On the drive home he said he feels useless and he can't do any good for anyone without a car.  It wasn't like a child throwing a tantrum, it was total defeat.

After all this, the crazy thing is that he doesn't want to appear weak.  Not sure if its Alpha male syndrome or the cowboy inside that wants to be strong.  The hardest thing has been seeing him slow down physically and mentally.